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Let’s talk…What happened to Lingering?

By Jean Davenport-Niles

I have begun to notice how quickly many of us reach for our phones whenever life becomes quiet. Standing in line. Sitting at lunch. Waiting at a stoplight. Even during conversations, our attention often drifts toward a screen resting beside us, as though silence itself has become uncomfortable.
Not long ago, I sat across from someone during lunch while notifications repeatedly pulled their attention away from the table. It was not rude or intentional. In fact, I think most of us hardly notice we are doing it anymore. We have slowly trained ourselves to believe every pause must be filled, every moment answered, every silence interrupted.
Somewhere along the way, our culture became efficient at almost everything except connection. We answer texts while half-listening to people sitting across from us. We rush through grocery stores, hurry through conversations, and often feel guilty for simply sitting still. Even rest has become something we schedule instead of experience.
Yet beneath all the noise, many people quietly admit they feel lonely. Not necessarily isolated. Not abandoned. Just emotionally undernourished.
Loneliness is not always about being physically alone. Sometimes it is the absence of meaningful pause. The absence of feeling seen, heard, or fully present with another person. Researchers continue to report growing levels of loneliness across nearly every age group, despite people being more digitally connected than ever before.
Perhaps we are starving for unhurried moments. A long cup of coffee with a friend. A drive with no destination. Sitting on a porch while the day fades into evening. Watching a thunderstorm move across the mountains. Conversations that are not interrupted by notifications or the pressure to move on to the next thing.
What if, just once, we intentionally left social media behind for an entire day? No scrolling. No checking. No documenting the moment while missing the moment itself. I suspect many of us would initially feel restless — and then, perhaps, relieved. Some of life’s most meaningful moments happen in the spaces we almost rush past.
I recently watched two elderly women sitting outside a small restaurant after everyone else had left. Their meals were long finished, but they remained there talking softly while the sky turned colors around them. No phones. No urgency. Just presence. There was something deeply healthy about it. Maybe lingering is not laziness after all. Maybe it is medicine.
Perhaps slowing down allows the nervous system to breathe. Perhaps conversation nourishes us more than we realize. Perhaps sunsets still stop us because, for a few moments, we remember what it feels like to simply be human instead of productive.
In a world constantly urging us to hurry, there may be quiet wisdom in staying at the table just a little longer.

Now available: “Past Due: The Emotional Cost of Not Letting Go”. Visit Amazon.com. Jean’s background: Silicon Valley executive, business consultant, life coach, inspirational speaker, author …with focus on ministries. Contact [email protected] or [email protected].