This Column Will Save Your Life
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Let’s talk… The Hidden Addiction No One Talks About
By Jean Davenport-Niles
Most addictions are easy to recognize. Alcohol. Drugs. Gambling. But there is another addiction that often goes unnoticed because society rewards it. It is the addiction to other people’s approval.
Author and Bible teacher Beth Moore writes, “You cannot please everybody.” Many spend years trying before finally discovering the exhausting truth. She explains, “Sometimes weaning from an addiction requires wounding by addiction. It has to do us so wrong that we come to hate it.”
Human approval was never meant to become our identity.
An approval addict lives with an overwhelming need to be accepted, admired, or affirmed by others. Their decisions are often driven more by fear of disappointing people than by personal conviction or obedience to God.
Author Michelle Risser writes that approval addiction can damage both mental health and relationships. Like chronic people-pleasers, approval addicts often fear rejection, criticism, or disapproval so deeply that they silence their own beliefs and neglect their own needs simply to keep others happy.
When our worth depends on someone else’s opinion, we have handed them something they were never designed to carry.
How do you know if approval has become an unhealthy pursuit? Perhaps you struggle to say “no.” Maybe you apologize constantly, even when you’ve done nothing wrong. You avoid conflict at all costs. You suppress your own opinions just to keep the peace. You place everyone else’s needs ahead of your own. Rejection feels devastating, and criticism lingers far longer than it should.
Eventually, life becomes less about who God created you to be and more about managing how everyone else sees you. The good news is that freedom is possible.
Healthy boundaries are an important beginning. Learning to say “no” is not selfish; sometimes it is simply being honest. Reducing the influence of social media can also help quiet the endless comparison that fuels the need for approval. Most importantly, remember that your value is not determined by public opinion.
Spiritually, the struggle is even deeper. If our greatest desire is to gain the approval of people, we will eventually compromise our convictions to keep it.
Beth Moore writes, “To become mighty servants of God—which is the better aim—we have to be loosed from the approval of man and our insatiable lust for human affirmation.”
The apostle Paul reminded Timothy, “Be diligent to present yourself approved to God…” (2 Timothy 2:15)
One day every life will stand before God, not before friends, co-workers, neighbors, or followers on social media. Jesus Himself asked, “How can you believe, since you accept glory from one another but do not seek the glory that comes from the only God?” (John 5:44)
Seeking acceptance from others is a normal part of being human. Building your identity upon their approval is a dangerous foundation. The applause of people fades quickly. The approval of God lasts forever. And when we finally hear the words, “Well done, good and faithful servant,” every other opinion will seem remarkably small.
Now available: “Past Due: The Emotional Cost of Not Letting Go”. Visit Amazon.com. Jean’s background: Silicon Valley executive, business consultant, life coach, inspirational speaker, author …with focus on ministries. Contact [email protected] or [email protected].